It is very easy to moan, to complain, to criticize. It is much harder
to always find something nice to say about a situation or a person.
But think of it now as a huge challenge. Saying something nice is hard
because our natural inclination is to moan. If someone asks how the
weekend camping went, it's easier to start on the bad weather and the
promblems with the campsite and the annoying behavior of the people in
the next-door caravan, than it is the joy of being with people you
wanted to be with and in a fantastic setting. When a friend asks how
you're getting on with your boss, the things they do that really annoy
you usually spring to mind before the upsides. No matter how horrid
someone is, there is always something about them that is good. Your
job is to find that good bit and highlight it, speak about it, draw
attention to it. Same with a situation that seems troublesome. I
remember reading once of someone who was on the Metro in Paris during
a major strike. It was chaos and people were shoving and pushing and
it was pretty horrendous. There was a woman with a small child there
and it could have been quite scary. She bent down to the child and
said quite brightly, 'This, my dear, is what they call an adventure'.
It has become a pet phrase of mine in times of crisis and trouble.
When asked your opinion of someone, something, somewhere, you need to
find something good to say, something flattering and positive. There
is ample evidence that being positive has many benefits but the most
noticeable is that people will gravitate towards you and not even know
why. That positive air about you is attractive. People like being
around those who are upbeat, positive, happy and confident. We need to
bite our tongue more and say good things more often. Obviously if you
are only going to say good things, then this cuts out back-biting,
gossiping, slagging off, telling tales, being rude about people,
complaining (you are allowed to point out defects or problems but in a
constructive way). And that could leave you with a big gap to fill.
Before opening your mouth, try - just for a week - to find something
good to say. It's one of those things that will amaze you by how it
improves your life, but don't take my word for it - just try it. And
if all else fails, and you really can't think of anything positive to
say at all, then don't say anything. At all.
Thursday, 27 June 2013
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT, STRONG, OUT IN THE WORLD SEPERATE FROM YOU
Just because we come together to be a couple for however long, doesn't
mean we are joined at the hip and have to think the same, do the same,
feel the same, react the same. I have noticed that the most successful
relationships are the ones where the couple is strong together but
also strong apart. The best relationships are the ones where both are
supportive of each other's interest even if they aren't their own.
Being supportive of your partner and what they want to do means you
have to be very centered yourself not to feel jealous or mistrustful
or resentful. You have to be prepared for them to be independent,
strong, out in the world seperate from you. It can be hard. It can ask
a lot of you. It can be a real test of how much you care and how
protective you tend to be. The more freedom you
give/allow/tolerate/encourage, the more likely they will be to
reciprocate and return. If a partner feels they are encouraged and
trusted, they are much less likely to 'stray' or want out because they
feel hemmed in or caged. The more supportive you are, the more they
will feel they are being treated kindly and that is a good. But what
if you disagree with what they want to do? Then you have to look at
your own stuff I'm afraid. You see, they are a seperate human being
and entitled to do pretty well whatever they want to do - assuming it
isn't hurtful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the
relationship (such as sleeping with other people or commiting crimes)
- and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question what
it is about what they want to do that you find hard to go along with.
This might be more about you than them. Ask yourself - if they do
this, if they go ahead, what's the worst that can happen? They make a
mess of your floor, ruin part of the garden, spend money on something
you don't want, aren't around much for a week. Now compare that to the
thought of them leaving or living with you frustrated and unhappy.
Which is worse? Of course, just because they say they want to do
something doesn't mean they will. Some very stubborn types will
however be more likely to go ahead and do it just because you're
objecting to everything they mention. Say 'yes' and they might well
never bother anyway. We forget that our partner is a seperate entity.
We forget that they too have dreams and plans and unfulfilled
ambitions. It is our job to encourage them to find their path, to
realize those ambitions, to stretch themselves to their fullest
extent, to be complete and satisfied and fulfilled. It is not our job
to put them down, ridicule their dreams, belittle their plans or laugh
at their ambitions. It is not our job to discourage them, put them
off, place obstacles in their path or restrict them in any way. It is
our job to encourage them to soar.
mean we are joined at the hip and have to think the same, do the same,
feel the same, react the same. I have noticed that the most successful
relationships are the ones where the couple is strong together but
also strong apart. The best relationships are the ones where both are
supportive of each other's interest even if they aren't their own.
Being supportive of your partner and what they want to do means you
have to be very centered yourself not to feel jealous or mistrustful
or resentful. You have to be prepared for them to be independent,
strong, out in the world seperate from you. It can be hard. It can ask
a lot of you. It can be a real test of how much you care and how
protective you tend to be. The more freedom you
give/allow/tolerate/encourage, the more likely they will be to
reciprocate and return. If a partner feels they are encouraged and
trusted, they are much less likely to 'stray' or want out because they
feel hemmed in or caged. The more supportive you are, the more they
will feel they are being treated kindly and that is a good. But what
if you disagree with what they want to do? Then you have to look at
your own stuff I'm afraid. You see, they are a seperate human being
and entitled to do pretty well whatever they want to do - assuming it
isn't hurtful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the
relationship (such as sleeping with other people or commiting crimes)
- and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question what
it is about what they want to do that you find hard to go along with.
This might be more about you than them. Ask yourself - if they do
this, if they go ahead, what's the worst that can happen? They make a
mess of your floor, ruin part of the garden, spend money on something
you don't want, aren't around much for a week. Now compare that to the
thought of them leaving or living with you frustrated and unhappy.
Which is worse? Of course, just because they say they want to do
something doesn't mean they will. Some very stubborn types will
however be more likely to go ahead and do it just because you're
objecting to everything they mention. Say 'yes' and they might well
never bother anyway. We forget that our partner is a seperate entity.
We forget that they too have dreams and plans and unfulfilled
ambitions. It is our job to encourage them to find their path, to
realize those ambitions, to stretch themselves to their fullest
extent, to be complete and satisfied and fulfilled. It is not our job
to put them down, ridicule their dreams, belittle their plans or laugh
at their ambitions. It is not our job to discourage them, put them
off, place obstacles in their path or restrict them in any way. It is
our job to encourage them to soar.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE, LET GO OF THE REST.
Time is short. This another of those facts you can't escape; it's a
given. If time is short then it makes sense not to go wasting any of
it, not a single lovely drop of it. It's my observation that the
successful people in this life are the ones who wring every last ounce
of satisfaction and energy out of life. They pay attention to what, in
their life, they have some control over and they simply, economically
(time-wise), let go of the rest. If someone asks you directly for
help, then that's something you can do - or not as you choose. If the
whole world asks you for help, then there is very little you can do.
Beating yourself over it is counter-productive and such a waste of
time. Now I'm not saying to stop caring about things or to walk away
from those in need. In fact quite the opposite in many ways, but there
are areas in which you can make a personal difference and other areas
where you'll never even make a dent. If you waste time struggling to
change stuff that is obviously never going to be changed, then life
will whizz past and you'll miss it. If, on the other hand, you
dedicate yourself personally to things you can change, areas where you
can make a difference, then life becomes richer and more fulfilled.
And the more rich it is, curiously, the more time you seem to have.
Obviously if lots of us get together we can change pretty well
anything. If you have the ear of a President, you might be able to
shape policy that affects the entire nation. If you have the ear of
the Pope, you might have a hand in shaping the next Papal Bull. If you
have the ear of a General, you might avert a war. If you the ear of an
Editor, you might get your name in print. If you have the ear of the
Head Waiter, you might get the best table. And so on and so on. So
whose ear have you got? What influence do you have and what change you
can effect by using that influence? Often the only ear we have is our
own. The only definite influence we have is over ourselves. The only
thing we can really, really change is exactly that - ourselves.
Wonderful. What an opportunity to do some good. What a chance to make
a real contribution. Begin with ourselves and let it spread outwards.
This way we don't have to waste time preaching to those who won't
listen. We don't have to waste effort or energy or resources on things
which we have no control and no certainty of any success. By changing
ourselves though we can be assured of a result. Result.
given. If time is short then it makes sense not to go wasting any of
it, not a single lovely drop of it. It's my observation that the
successful people in this life are the ones who wring every last ounce
of satisfaction and energy out of life. They pay attention to what, in
their life, they have some control over and they simply, economically
(time-wise), let go of the rest. If someone asks you directly for
help, then that's something you can do - or not as you choose. If the
whole world asks you for help, then there is very little you can do.
Beating yourself over it is counter-productive and such a waste of
time. Now I'm not saying to stop caring about things or to walk away
from those in need. In fact quite the opposite in many ways, but there
are areas in which you can make a personal difference and other areas
where you'll never even make a dent. If you waste time struggling to
change stuff that is obviously never going to be changed, then life
will whizz past and you'll miss it. If, on the other hand, you
dedicate yourself personally to things you can change, areas where you
can make a difference, then life becomes richer and more fulfilled.
And the more rich it is, curiously, the more time you seem to have.
Obviously if lots of us get together we can change pretty well
anything. If you have the ear of a President, you might be able to
shape policy that affects the entire nation. If you have the ear of
the Pope, you might have a hand in shaping the next Papal Bull. If you
have the ear of a General, you might avert a war. If you the ear of an
Editor, you might get your name in print. If you have the ear of the
Head Waiter, you might get the best table. And so on and so on. So
whose ear have you got? What influence do you have and what change you
can effect by using that influence? Often the only ear we have is our
own. The only definite influence we have is over ourselves. The only
thing we can really, really change is exactly that - ourselves.
Wonderful. What an opportunity to do some good. What a chance to make
a real contribution. Begin with ourselves and let it spread outwards.
This way we don't have to waste time preaching to those who won't
listen. We don't have to waste effort or energy or resources on things
which we have no control and no certainty of any success. By changing
ourselves though we can be assured of a result. Result.
Monday, 24 June 2013
DON'T BE AFRAID TO DREAM
This may seem incredibly obvious, incredibly easy but you would be surprised how many people seriously limit their dreams. They're YOUR dreams for heaven's sake. There should be no limit to them. Plans have to be realistic; dreams don't. I worked in the casino business for many years and was always intrigued that 'punters' (what we should really call 'customers') could never see it; that they would always lose because they wouldn't limit their losses but would always limit their winnings. Don't ask me why. I guess addicted gamblers are seriously not well. They'd go in with the right attitude - 'I'll just lose this fiver and then pack it in'. Result: They'd lose the fiver and cash a check to chase it. Then another to chase the lost check. And another. I'm not advocating gambling by the way - not now, not ever. It's really not a good idea, believe me. The point is that people limit their dreams the way they limit their winnings. And yet dreams are at worst harmless. Don't limit them! You are allowed to dream as high, as wide, as big, as extravagant, as impossible, as wacky, as silly, as bizarre, as unrealistically nonsensical as you want. You are allowed to wish for anything you want as well. Look, wishes and dreams are all private affairs. There are no wish police, no dream doctors who are on rampage looking out for unrealistic demands. It is a private thing between you and... that's it. Between you and absolutely no one else at all. The only note of caution here - and I do speak from personal experience - is be very careful what you wish for, what you dream of, it might just come true. And where would you be then? A lot of people think their dreams have to be realistic to be worth dreaming about. But that's a plan and that is something quite different. I have plans and I take logical steps to make them come to fruition. Dreams are allowed to be so improbable that they are never likely to come true. And don't go thinking you'll never achieve anything by sitting around day-dreaming all day. Some of the most successful people have also been those who have dared to dream the most. Isn't it a coincidence.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FRIEND, BE A GOOD FRIEND
Being a real friend is a tremendous responsibility. You have to be
loyal, honest (but not too honest), sincere, reliable, dependable,
friendly (stands to reason really), pleasant, open, sociable (not much
point having friends if you're not going to be sociable is there?),
responsive, welcoming and gracious. You also have to be forgiving at
times, be prepared to offer help, support and sympathy. At the same
time you don't want to be taken advantage of nor have the wool pulled
over your eyes. And you may have to be brutally candid at times and be
prepared to risk the friendship by being so. Yet equally there are
times you need to hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself.
They are you friends, not clones of you - they do things differently.
You have to be counsellor, confessor, priest, helper, companion,
friend, confidant(e) and comrade. You have to offer the friendship
enthusiasm, dedication, determination, creativity, interest, passion
and drive. And this all what you have to do. What do they have to do?
Well, in an ideal world the same. If they fail to do any of this, you
will still carry on being their friend, being forgiving, being
supportive and being there. The most important bit is being there. You
are there when they are going through it and not just being there for
the good times. You will be there when they need you in the early
hours, the dark days, the times of trouble and stress. You will be
there to hold their hand, let them cry on your shoulder, lend them a
hanky, pat them on the back and make them endless cups of tea. And you
will tell them to cheer up, not to worry, stop being such a fool,
whatever it takes to get them up and at it again. You will be there to
give them good advice. You will be there just to listen at times. You
will be there when you don't want to be. You will be there when all
their friends have fallen by the wayside. You will be there no matter
what. Someone once said that a real friend is someone you can be
having a conversation with as they get on a plane, you don't see them
for ten years and when they arrive back they carry on the conversation
as they get off the plane like a moment hadn't passed. That's exactly
how it is between good friends.
loyal, honest (but not too honest), sincere, reliable, dependable,
friendly (stands to reason really), pleasant, open, sociable (not much
point having friends if you're not going to be sociable is there?),
responsive, welcoming and gracious. You also have to be forgiving at
times, be prepared to offer help, support and sympathy. At the same
time you don't want to be taken advantage of nor have the wool pulled
over your eyes. And you may have to be brutally candid at times and be
prepared to risk the friendship by being so. Yet equally there are
times you need to hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself.
They are you friends, not clones of you - they do things differently.
You have to be counsellor, confessor, priest, helper, companion,
friend, confidant(e) and comrade. You have to offer the friendship
enthusiasm, dedication, determination, creativity, interest, passion
and drive. And this all what you have to do. What do they have to do?
Well, in an ideal world the same. If they fail to do any of this, you
will still carry on being their friend, being forgiving, being
supportive and being there. The most important bit is being there. You
are there when they are going through it and not just being there for
the good times. You will be there when they need you in the early
hours, the dark days, the times of trouble and stress. You will be
there to hold their hand, let them cry on your shoulder, lend them a
hanky, pat them on the back and make them endless cups of tea. And you
will tell them to cheer up, not to worry, stop being such a fool,
whatever it takes to get them up and at it again. You will be there to
give them good advice. You will be there just to listen at times. You
will be there when you don't want to be. You will be there when all
their friends have fallen by the wayside. You will be there no matter
what. Someone once said that a real friend is someone you can be
having a conversation with as they get on a plane, you don't see them
for ten years and when they arrive back they carry on the conversation
as they get off the plane like a moment hadn't passed. That's exactly
how it is between good friends.
Saturday, 22 June 2013
AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY
You can die from someone else's misery -emotional states are as
infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man
but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate
sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on
you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man
but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate
sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on
you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENT
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is
really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is
stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is
much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your
actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is
stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is
much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your
actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say,
the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are
saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague,
open-minded, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by
saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say
something foolish.
the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are
saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague,
open-minded, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by
saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say
something foolish.
NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER
Alway make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire
to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your
talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and
insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and
you will attain the heights of power.
to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your
talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and
insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and
you will attain the heights of power.
Friday, 21 June 2013
TREAT YOUR PARTNER BETTER THAN YOUR BEST FRIEND
I was talking to a friend about this rule the other day and she
disagreed with me emphatically. She said you had to treat your friends
better because you knew them better and you owed them more loyalty. I
then went on to talk to another friend and she said that wasn't the
case. You treated your partner better because you knew them less well.
Intriguing. My point is you should treat your partner better than your
friends because your partner is both lover and friend. And idieally
BEST friend. If they're not, then who is? And why? Is it because they
are the opposite sex and you need a same-sex best friend? Is it
because you don't see a lover as a friend? (If you do answer yes to
this, what do you see your partner as ...what is their role or
function in being your partner?). Again all this is about being
conscious. Treating your partner better than your best friend means
you have given it some thought and made a conscious decision to do so
- or not if it's the case. I would have thought treating your partner
better than your best friend would have been a given. This means not
interfering, respecting their privacy, treating them like independent
grown-ups. You only have to look around to see couples who treat each
other like small children, nagging, scolding, arguing, criticizing,
nit-picking. They wouldn't do it with their friends, so why do they do
it with the one person who is supposed to mean heaven and earth to
them? I'll give you an example. You are a passenger in a car being
driven by a friend. They make a foolish error (though not a dangerous
one). You would probably start teasing and laugh a lot. Now imagine
the same scenario but with your partner who has messed up. Do you: 1.
Make them feel very small? 2. Not let them forget it in a long while?
3. Tell everyone else? 4. Take over the driving for a while on the
grounds they're not to be trusted? 5. Treat them the same as you would
a friend and laugh a lot?
Hopefully the last one, but watch other couples in similar situations
and see what they do.
disagreed with me emphatically. She said you had to treat your friends
better because you knew them better and you owed them more loyalty. I
then went on to talk to another friend and she said that wasn't the
case. You treated your partner better because you knew them less well.
Intriguing. My point is you should treat your partner better than your
friends because your partner is both lover and friend. And idieally
BEST friend. If they're not, then who is? And why? Is it because they
are the opposite sex and you need a same-sex best friend? Is it
because you don't see a lover as a friend? (If you do answer yes to
this, what do you see your partner as ...what is their role or
function in being your partner?). Again all this is about being
conscious. Treating your partner better than your best friend means
you have given it some thought and made a conscious decision to do so
- or not if it's the case. I would have thought treating your partner
better than your best friend would have been a given. This means not
interfering, respecting their privacy, treating them like independent
grown-ups. You only have to look around to see couples who treat each
other like small children, nagging, scolding, arguing, criticizing,
nit-picking. They wouldn't do it with their friends, so why do they do
it with the one person who is supposed to mean heaven and earth to
them? I'll give you an example. You are a passenger in a car being
driven by a friend. They make a foolish error (though not a dangerous
one). You would probably start teasing and laugh a lot. Now imagine
the same scenario but with your partner who has messed up. Do you: 1.
Make them feel very small? 2. Not let them forget it in a long while?
3. Tell everyone else? 4. Take over the driving for a while on the
grounds they're not to be trusted? 5. Treat them the same as you would
a friend and laugh a lot?
Hopefully the last one, but watch other couples in similar situations
and see what they do.
KNOW WHERE TRUE HAPPINESS COMES FROM
No, I'm not about to reveal the secret people have sought since the
begining of time -where true happiness comes from. But I do know where
it isn't to be found. And I do have an inkling where it might be.
Let's take a scenario. You go out to buy a new
car/house/suit/computer/whatever turns you on. You have the money and
you buy whatever it is, and it makes you feel
incredible/happy/excited/fantastic. Now imagine whoever it was who
built/made/created whatever it is you bought. When they made it, where
did they fit that feeling in? I think you might have brought that
feeling with you. Now imagine you fall in love. It is again
incredible. You feel fantastic, happy, excited. You go to meet your
new love and when you see them, that feeling spills out in all
directions. You feel amazing because you are with them and they are
generating that feeling. Right? Wrong. Again you brought it all with
you. You may look to them to trigger it but even if they go to the
other end of the planet, you'll still have that feeling and they're
nowhere near you. You get fired. Ghastly. You get given your papers.
You walk away devastated. You feel like nothing. Now where in that
document is that feeling you now have? Nowhere, that's right. Again
you brought it all with you. We all go to work every day with the
potential to have that 'I've just been fired' feeling. We all meet new
people with the 'I've fallen head over heals in love' feeling. But no
amount of falling in love, buying new stuff or getting sacked is going
to keep that feeling going for longer than it takes us to get over it.
People get addicted to buying new stuff or falling in love or whatever
because they just love that feeling without realizing that they
already have it. They have to keep having their 'fix' because they
think its the only way to get that feeling going. The secret is
knowing how to trigger it without anyone else or anything else being
involved. No, I don't know. You have to find that one for yourself.
Clue: It's the one place you'd never think of looking, yep, right
inside you.
begining of time -where true happiness comes from. But I do know where
it isn't to be found. And I do have an inkling where it might be.
Let's take a scenario. You go out to buy a new
car/house/suit/computer/whatever turns you on. You have the money and
you buy whatever it is, and it makes you feel
incredible/happy/excited/fantastic. Now imagine whoever it was who
built/made/created whatever it is you bought. When they made it, where
did they fit that feeling in? I think you might have brought that
feeling with you. Now imagine you fall in love. It is again
incredible. You feel fantastic, happy, excited. You go to meet your
new love and when you see them, that feeling spills out in all
directions. You feel amazing because you are with them and they are
generating that feeling. Right? Wrong. Again you brought it all with
you. You may look to them to trigger it but even if they go to the
other end of the planet, you'll still have that feeling and they're
nowhere near you. You get fired. Ghastly. You get given your papers.
You walk away devastated. You feel like nothing. Now where in that
document is that feeling you now have? Nowhere, that's right. Again
you brought it all with you. We all go to work every day with the
potential to have that 'I've just been fired' feeling. We all meet new
people with the 'I've fallen head over heals in love' feeling. But no
amount of falling in love, buying new stuff or getting sacked is going
to keep that feeling going for longer than it takes us to get over it.
People get addicted to buying new stuff or falling in love or whatever
because they just love that feeling without realizing that they
already have it. They have to keep having their 'fix' because they
think its the only way to get that feeling going. The secret is
knowing how to trigger it without anyone else or anything else being
involved. No, I don't know. You have to find that one for yourself.
Clue: It's the one place you'd never think of looking, yep, right
inside you.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
BE UP AROUND PEOPLE YOU LOVE
Your job from now on, is to be up around people you love. No more
moaning. No more complaining. No more grumbling. These things will no
more issue from your lips. You are, from now on, the positive one, the
perpetually cheerful, always up one around whom good things revolve
and happen. When asked how are you, instead of saying, 'Can't
complain, mustn't grumble, in the future you will say, 'Fine, good,
marvellous. No matter how crummy you feel, no matter what sort of a
day you've had, no matter how low, down or fed up you are. And do you
know, the interesting thing is that when you do say 'Marvellous', even
if you don't feel it, you'll find something positive to say to follow
it up with. Whereas if you'd said 'Been better', then the follow-up
thoughts would be all negative. Try it -honestly, it really works. In
future, right from today, from this very second, you have become the
one who is always jolly, up cheerful. Why? Because someone has to, or
everybody will want to end it all. This life is hard and treacherous.
Someone has to lift the burden, lift the spirits, lift the gloom. So
who's it going to be? You, that's who.
moaning. No more complaining. No more grumbling. These things will no
more issue from your lips. You are, from now on, the positive one, the
perpetually cheerful, always up one around whom good things revolve
and happen. When asked how are you, instead of saying, 'Can't
complain, mustn't grumble, in the future you will say, 'Fine, good,
marvellous. No matter how crummy you feel, no matter what sort of a
day you've had, no matter how low, down or fed up you are. And do you
know, the interesting thing is that when you do say 'Marvellous', even
if you don't feel it, you'll find something positive to say to follow
it up with. Whereas if you'd said 'Been better', then the follow-up
thoughts would be all negative. Try it -honestly, it really works. In
future, right from today, from this very second, you have become the
one who is always jolly, up cheerful. Why? Because someone has to, or
everybody will want to end it all. This life is hard and treacherous.
Someone has to lift the burden, lift the spirits, lift the gloom. So
who's it going to be? You, that's who.
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