YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT, STRONG, OUT IN THE WORLD SEPERATE FROM YOU

Just because we come together to be a couple for however long, doesn't
mean we are joined at the hip and have to think the same, do the same,
feel the same, react the same. I have noticed that the most successful
relationships are the ones where the couple is strong together but
also strong apart. The best relationships are the ones where both are
supportive of each other's interest even if they aren't their own.
Being supportive of your partner and what they want to do means you
have to be very centered yourself not to feel jealous or mistrustful
or resentful. You have to be prepared for them to be independent,
strong, out in the world seperate from you. It can be hard. It can ask
a lot of you. It can be a real test of how much you care and how
protective you tend to be. The more freedom you
give/allow/tolerate/encourage, the more likely they will be to
reciprocate and return. If a partner feels they are encouraged and
trusted, they are much less likely to 'stray' or want out because they
feel hemmed in or caged. The more supportive you are, the more they
will feel they are being treated kindly and that is a good. But what
if you disagree with what they want to do? Then you have to look at
your own stuff I'm afraid. You see, they are a seperate human being
and entitled to do pretty well whatever they want to do - assuming it
isn't hurtful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the
relationship (such as sleeping with other people or commiting crimes)
- and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question what
it is about what they want to do that you find hard to go along with.
This might be more about you than them. Ask yourself - if they do
this, if they go ahead, what's the worst that can happen? They make a
mess of your floor, ruin part of the garden, spend money on something
you don't want, aren't around much for a week. Now compare that to the
thought of them leaving or living with you frustrated and unhappy.
Which is worse? Of course, just because they say they want to do
something doesn't mean they will. Some very stubborn types will
however be more likely to go ahead and do it just because you're
objecting to everything they mention. Say 'yes' and they might well
never bother anyway. We forget that our partner is a seperate entity.
We forget that they too have dreams and plans and unfulfilled
ambitions. It is our job to encourage them to find their path, to
realize those ambitions, to stretch themselves to their fullest
extent, to be complete and satisfied and fulfilled. It is not our job
to put them down, ridicule their dreams, belittle their plans or laugh
at their ambitions. It is not our job to discourage them, put them
off, place obstacles in their path or restrict them in any way. It is
our job to encourage them to soar.